Someone shit on the floor
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
