I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
