literally had 100 drinks last night.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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