The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
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You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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