Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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