I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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