It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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