just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
