i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
