did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Im part way to drunk.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
