So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
