If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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