Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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