Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
