I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
