thus making me awesome and them whores
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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