A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
