She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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