just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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