Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
