12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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