ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
