Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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