I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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