Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
