I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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