You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
