Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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