I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
