After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
