so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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