what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
