Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
