I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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