Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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