NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
True strength comes from lack of pants
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
