Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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