i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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