I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
