It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
