atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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