i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
