yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We smell like vodka and hangover
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