I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
