I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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