Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
