you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
