Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Farmville is her only friend.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Randomize
