I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
