Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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