if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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