You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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