ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
