Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
