ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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