when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Can vaginas get frostbite?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
