I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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