i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
