I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
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I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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