May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
