My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize