We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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